Gently calling BS on myself
Two weeks ago, I was in a team meeting, sharing a rose about my work at the writing studio. I talked about one of our programs called Seven Swimming Pools — and how, after two years of not doing any writing, I went to all the sessions and I wrote a few short pieces. Yay me!
I felt a bit weird after the meeting. I felt like I had lied to the beautiful faces in their Zoom rectangles. I felt like I had lied to myself.
Here’s the thing. I have been writing. I write morning pages every day. I write long emails to family and friends. I write letters to myself. I write blog posts almost every month. I wrote 31 exercises for my last authenblissity challenge, which I made into a PDF book at the end. But for whatever reason, my first instinct tells me that none of that counts as writing.
I’ve never really identified as a writer. It’s not one of the words that comes up when I think of myself. It’s not that I feel like I can’t categorize myself as a writer, but rather that I don’t want to become too attached to anything I do. I’m careful with the words I associate with my identity. As an ever-changing human, I want to leave myself open — always curious, always ready to explore.
But not identifying as a writer doesn’t change the fact that I enjoy writing, and the fact that writing has been a throughline in my life, regardless of whether I think what I do counts as writing.
I started to think about what my inner best friend would say to me after the team meeting. She would bring up all the writing I do on a consistent basis and gently call into question my underlying assumptions. She certainly wouldn’t say, “Well, you write morning pages and blog posts, but that doesn’t count.” What a belittling thing to say to someone. What a belittling thing to say to myself.
This recent occurrence showed me that I view writing through an achievement lens. It’s like I don’t consider my writing to be writing unless I’m working on a book. And a little PDF book doesn’t count, it has to be a multi-year project with many drafts, an editor, and a release date. I’m gently calling BS on that.
It’s not just writing. I still view many things through an achievement lens. When I meet up with friends I haven’t seen in months, they usually have a lot going on.
I’m busy catching-up after my trip to Asia!
I got a promotion and my new role is a lot more work!
I bought a new house and I have so much packing to do!
I’m genuinely interested so I ask a ton of questions. Then my friends will invariably say, “Ok, enough about me, what about you?” And here are some of the things I’ve said recently:
Oh, nothing exciting, it’s been the same-old, same-old for me.
I took a week off but we just did a staycation.
Yeah [sheepish laugh], I take a nap almost every day.
Did you notice the differences in my update? Not only in the ordinariness of it but in my minimizing of it — nothing exciting, but we just, sheepish laugh. It’s like I don’t consider my life to be worth sharing unless I’m doing something momentous. I’m gently calling BS on that too.
Seven years ago, I gladly traded my big salary, excessive shopping, and lavish vacations so I could return to simplicity and ease. I love my ordinary life and I want to stop talking about it like it’s something to be embarrassed about. As someone who leans into humility and self-deprecating humour in many situations, I know this will take time and practice. I suspect it’s going to feel awkward. I’m kinda scared.
So once again, I turn to my inner best friend. What would she say if I came to her, feeling self-conscious about my lack of big news? She would notice that in our society, sharing big news has become commonplace. She would remind me that many people want to check off the major life boxes: job promotions, vacations, marriage, a bigger home, 2.5 kids, a third car. She would say it's fine to truly want these things, and it's also fine to truly not want these things. She would suggest that being content with life is a rare thing. She would tell me to celebrate that.
This month’s reflective questions
What is one way you might have inadvertently minimized yourself recently? How would your inner best friend respond? How can you gently call BS on yourself and see your gifts in a new way?
My Now page is back!
A few of you noticed that my Now page went missing a few months ago. I didn’t have many changes when I was updating it monthly so I quietly took it down. In hindsight, that probably wasn’t the best approach. I’ve been wanting to bring my Now page back — and going forward, I’ll be updating it at the start of every season. Happy autumn! 🍂
Celebrating the ordinary,
